So you're sitting home, alone, thinking about your ex... and feeling pretty miserable about the break up. Now, you're not sure what to do. Where do you turn for help in dealing with your break up? Do you find a way to move on, or do you figure out how to get your ex back?
If you decide to move on:
You'll probably need to find quite a bit of break up help, depending on how bad the break up was, and how long you and your ex were together. If you were in a long-term relationship that ended with a lot of emotional strife and personal drama, then of course you're going to need plenty of time and support in order to heal.
If you decide to get back with your ex:
If you're clearly still in love with your ex and have decided that the only way is to get your ex back, then you're going to have to be even kinder with yourself. Nobody wants to be with someone who is an emotional wreck, so you're going to have to allow yourself the time and resources to heal, and to let go of past hurts. Don't sit around and blame yourself for decisions you made during your relationship, or for things that you and your ex said to each other. Blame and guilt aren't going to do you any good... in fact, they will just hold you back from what you really want - to be with your ex again.
You have to understand that you and your ex are both human - you both did the best you could at the time, and you both made mistakes.
Whichever path you choose, here are 7 tips that will help you deal with your break up. No matter whether you decide to move on, or to get your ex back, these tips will give you the strength and direction you need to rebuild your life.
7 Break Up Help Tips:
1) Make sure that you are looking out for yourself and tending to your own emotional needs. When going through a painful break up, many of us concentrate on the needs of our ex, instead of our own needs. That's understandable, because after all, we still love them. But your ex is no longer your responsibility, at least for now, so you have to focus on yourself... no matter how difficult that may be.
2) Don't be ashamed to talk to a professional if need be. You might think your break up problems are silly and insignificant, but the emotions you're dealing with are very real - a break up can be an incredibly traumatic experience. A professional can help you put everything back into perspective, and help you work through emotional issues much more quickly than going it alone.
3) If you have decided that the right choice is to get your ex back, then the best break up help you can find is someone who can help you develop a strategy for winning your ex back. Acting on emotion isn't going to cut it. You need tried-and-true strategies that will put your ex back in your arms forever.
4) Take an honest inventory of your emotional state before you contact your ex. If you want to get back your ex, you're going to have to appear strong and confident. As I noted earlier, no one wants to be with someone who is crying, depressed, or needy. If you're not honest with yourself about your emotional state, you could end up making things much worse with your ex.
5) When it's time to meet with your ex again (DON'T rush this), the two of you should meet somewhere neutral. Meeting in a place that holds strong memories of your past isn't a good idea - couples in movies usually reconcile in the place where they first met, or where they first kissed... but in real life, this is a good way to overwhelm your ex and ruin the conversation.
6) Make sure you listen to your ex without judgment or strong emotions. Chances are, you're not the only one dealing with issues from your relationship. You don't have to agree with everything your ex says... but you do have to listen. You might hear something that will help you - even if the two of you don't get back together. If you can avoid repeating a mistake in a future relationship, the meeting will have been well worth it.
7) After you meet with your ex, leave the lines of communication open, but don't pester. Your ex has to make the decision about whether or not to contact you again. If your ex agrees to pursue the relationship again, great! If not, you will have taken the steps you need to emotionally let go. Letting go opens you up to a world of new possibilities - new experiences, new relationships... and new love. Either way, you'll emerge a happier, healthier human being.